Hellloo, it's been a while i havent update my blog
It almost end of July, serious i wanna end up this month so much, cause many things happened in this month. Well, there are bad things and good things, I hope August please do love me more cause July did let me suffer a lot.
So I have informed that I got a DISEASE. I think so many times and going to tell everyone here cause people are wondering what disease i got. I already rest so long my god, like 3 weeks more?
I HAVE DEPRESSION. ( well everyone will has the chance of getting depression, it's just depends how you overcome with the disease. )
Its sooo terrify me! I realized by myself and decided to see psychology doctor. I saw private one and government, so yeah I need to admit I got this disease.
I ran back home without inform my coursemates, so sorry to you guys I didnt pick up anyone's phone call. My dad pick me up at the Ipoh railway station, he asked whats going on, but I didnt answer any question. But I started to cry when i saw my mom, she was so worried about me. After doctor informed her that I got this disease, she was so sad and she cried. The very first week i came back, I cried almost everyday, I refused to eat medicine, my mom tried to calm me down and kept telling me I need to stay strong.
Serious, if you get depression, anything comes into your mind is so negative. What you gonna think is equal to DEATH. Yeah, what i think that time is why my life is so torturing me? I should end up this life.
I became so scared to face friends or strangers in public. I dont even dare to look into their eyes. This is something funny, cause what i think is looking up their eyes will tell me how evil they are. I started to look up my mom's eyes, is after 3,4 days. She forced me to look up her eyes by telling me how beautiful eyes i got, she wanna see them etc. E.V.E.R.Y.D.A.Y. Then i started to look up my brothers'. The last one was my dad, haha.
Im trying so hard to get myself strong, always look at beautiful pictures ( My doctor told me that look at beautiful pictures can make my day ) listening to music. I had nightmare everyday. I slept around 9pm, but I will wake up around 4 or 5am because of nightmare. Suffering right? I need to tell myself to stop thinking.
After 2 weeks rest, my mom thought that I have recovered like 50%, so she decided to take me back to campus, cause after 2 weeks is Hari Raya. She wanted to know that I can be independent or not for 1 week half. My parents also wanted to see my lecturer to tell them about what happened. I really got that feeling wanna to come back to study, I already get myself up.
BUT, what I saw my chinese friends there, SERIOUS I'M SO DISAPPOINTED. Are you guys insane? Hello! your friend out here is sick and you guys leave her alone without helping her?! IS THAT CALL FRIEND? So you guys think I deserve what i have done!? SO THIS IS CALL A TEACHER? THIS IS WHAT SUPPOSE A FUTURE TEACHER DO? If the student does something wrong that piss you off, you will just stand there without doing anything!? DONT EVEN GIVE HER/HIM A CHANCE?!
I wont know I have evil friends if I dont have this disease. Thank you guys, you all gave me such a wonderful experience. THINK HARD, I helped you guy so many times, what i want only just a friendship, I do appreciate our friendship and willing to say SORRY if i have done something wrong, but you guys just dont give me a DAMN?
I swear to my god, I NEVER STABBED BACK YOU GUYS. and you guys did, post something bad stuff of mine on facebook, saying im a bitch and good in acting. I can win for once, not forever. ETC. LOL
maybe there is something misunderstanding, but do you guys all want to listen or discuss? NO, you guys just leave me, THANK YOU VERY MUCH for giving me a chance to see what is call HELL. Now here im trying to get myself up, and you guys are like digging holes around me, so i wont stand up again, is this what you guys want!?
Anyways, I apologize for what i have done that make you guys pissed off, PEACE, okay?
I appreciate my Malays friends, serious they are so nice! IT'S SO TOUCHING. They are like angels to come and rescue me. SERIOUS, friends with different races are good! Especially my cute Fatin, Nik Husni, Zurah, Bibi, Sai, they came to visit me when they knew I back to hostel. I WANNA SAY BIG THANK YOU to my assistant monitor, Zuwaidah too! She helped a lot although she got , thank you so much. I will see you guys soon :)
Now im having a long holiday for myself, serious life can be so beautiful, when you have disease, your parents,siblings and friends still beside you :3
Good Luck guys <3
Look, you are not alone. Must get well! I also have time where I am super depress and what i can think of was to die. But when I think with another perspective, I know that I must be strong, because we only live ONCE.
回复删除Hey,firstly, I wanna let you know that you are loved. :) I have a close friend who has depression, and so, I get what you're saying.
回复删除However, depression is something very hard for people to understand, especially those who do not understand what it is and what are the effects of it.
What you can do is to research on your type of depression, and do it along with your parents. If you have close friends in college whom you can truly trust, ask them to research along too.
If there are people who are not understanding towards you, either let them be or you educate them on what it is. But honestly, it is kinda easier said than done. So, I guess just trust upon those whom you really can trust.:)
Depression is very hard, but dearie, you will pull through. Remember that there are people who love you. In your current healing process, listen to those who want to build you up. Those who want to tear you down? Don't give a f*ck even. Again, easier said than done, but try and see. :)
And if there are those who do not know how to appreciate you for who you are, then it's likened to saying that they are not worth your time at all.
Hugs, you are loved.
Love,
Rachel.